be here now

"it's such a beautiful day
why am i so far away?

...i want to be here now"


struggling with some sort of A.D.D. has been a challenge
especially now that i'm a father
i want to experience each and every moment with my children
free from the endless mental chatter
that comes with being a "grown up" trying to survive in a grown up world
thinking about mortality
mortgages
bills to pay
wasting days
injuries
friendjuries
jury duty
taxes
audits
schedules
lawsuits
worn out shoes
money coming in
money going out
repairs
maintenance
calendars
bookings
is Jayme cooking?
errands
phone calls
emails
tours
commissions
tuition's
exhibitions
records
hecklers
lyrics
deadlines
unfinished songs
conversations gone wrong
errant software
empty radiators
doing the dishes
lack of insurance
blogs
bullies
haters
shooters
looters
gigs
rehearsals
parents
siblings
breakfast
lunch
dying
dinner
it never ends
it never stops
it's never enough
it's always too much
one minute i'm sitting in my son's room playing with him
next minute i'm gazing slack jawed out the window
lost in a sea of useless thoughts
why all the maneuvering?
the pushing
the pulling
the doing...
are we humans or humants?
running around
grabbing this
collecting that
planning
calculating
nesting
cultivating
consuming
disposing
reproducing
but all the while
what do we ever really have?
all we have is this very moment
and look
now it's gone
did you soak it all in
as good as you could?

an excerpt posted on 5/15/08 about the recording of "B.H.N."

i woke up with this sentence stuck in my cranium

"i wanna give in to the moment of my choosing"

i know
it may not sound like much
but this has been my struggle
in real life
and also with this song
it was the line i needed to finish "be here now"
it was so simple
but so elusive
the key to finishing the chorus
the whole point
i'd been wrestling with this lyrical bear
for months
it felt good to get another message from lalaland
thank you lala nourallah

when i got to billy's house
i re-cut the vocal on b.h.n. with the final lyrics
then we worked on some electric guitar
he played his hofner galaxy through this badass boss re-20 delay
the sound was gigantic
when he gets on the guitar
the fun especially begins
that's his #1 instrument and it shows
he's brilliant
after that we put down some electric piano
a part i know rip (r.r. to you diehards) will dig
very supertramp!
i thought of him the whole time
more indian food followed
(i know i know, typical)
at the star of india buffet this time
(i only made one trip friends...)
and a good lefler style hang at momo's after that
for kacey crowley's cd release show
her and her band sounded amazing