going back to the future

i took Gavin to see my parents today
i found some notebooks tucked away in a closet
this was scrawled in one of them
written when i was only 18
a strange, innocent glimpse at past me looking forward

TO THE FUTURE

in the future i would like to do the following things:

- obtain a degree in sound engineering from a major college
-move to England and try to become a successful record producer
-continue to develop my songwriting talents and hopefully start a band on the side
-fall in love with someone very special
-become successful as either a record producer or musician
-retain all my ideals, no matter what
-try not to become a hypocrite
-always do my best
-live forever!
-always be close to my younger brother
-never lose my love for music
-stay creative
-someday write truly great songs and have someone actually be moved by them
-try to do my part in being a member of this world
-never lose my opinions on anything
-always be in love with life
-learn to actually communicate with people
-have a positive effect on as many people as i can
-never be greedy
-accomplish something worthwhile by the time i die
-never have any regrets

padre's lovely daughter

sometimes the earth quakes deep in June
late in the fading afternoon
while sun is singeing mud to clay
and sweat rolls off your pretty face

you said you never mean to stray,
"it just ends up like that...okay?"
from what i'm seeing through this haze
it seems you're better off that way

yeah, it seems
the world's become a bad dream

on your veranda stands a man
your hair like snakes coil 'round his hands
you bow your head to meet his chest
the sun is sliding down his neck
i grind a rose with my boot-heel
i smile real wide, 'cause i can't feel
he feels you up, under your dress
i guess that's just what you do best

yeah, it seems
the world's become a bad dream
yeah, it seems
the world's become a bad dream, a bad dream

a bad scene in some play
by a Mexican impressionist
who came from Zacatecas
speaking only broken English
writing cheap novelette fodder
with some Padre's lovely daughter
translating his mutations to the page, within the book,
within my hands...

i'll keep your wooden crucifix
and sleep with it under my pillow
i'll keep your picture packed away
'till it is faded, old and yellow
and when it seems
my world's become a bad dream
yeah, when it seems
my world's become a bad dream
i'll take a look at it
i'll take a look at it
at your smiling face within the picture frame







(april 5, 1993)

the party

"you're not really going to that idiotic party, are you?' jayme said
as i leaned in to kiss her on the cheek
"yeah...i guess i am..."
my family looked so sweet cuddled up on the bed together
watching TV
i should've put my pajamas on right then and there
and blown off the idiot party
but i didn't...
when we pulled up to the house
the thump thump of hip hop was going strong
it kinda looked like one of those frat parties
i drove past in college
but never actually attended
a dilapidated 2 story house
with lot's of people milling about on the porch
and in the driveway
surely there was a keg or two in the kitchen
but i never made it that far
we gingerly walked up the driveway
thank god it was dark there
"no way i'm stepping a foot inside that house" i thought to myself
i don't often get like this
at least not anymore
but i felt misanthropic all of a sudden
i was uncomfortable
and agitated
"hey man, you should go inside and check out _____ in a bit
they're a great hip hop act"
"i hate hip-hop" i stated
listening to myself utter those words made me feel like a grumpy old man
but then i thought
even when i was a grumpy young man
i hated hip-hop
it's just not my bag
it's party music to me
it's perfect for frat parties
like this one
and i'm not a frat fucking party kinda guy
so the bump bump and thump thump continued
and some guy in the window with a mic and his pants falling down
then i saw a photographer squatting down amongst
a group of gyrating dancers
she was shooting them "Sports Illustrated swim suit style"
really going for the action
i almost gagged
why did this particular scene make me feel this way?
i'm trying to put my finger on it
i talked to a few of my friends for a bit in the dark
on the driveway
my friend Kenneth said he felt the same way
some others friends made cracks about the whole scene too
then the back-breaker came when some guy on the front steps
started wailing like an indie Robert Plant
to the click click click of the eager photographer
i had to leave or risk convulsing violently
so we split to hang out in a quiet bar
on Bryan Street
once we got there i felt fine
relaxed even
why did that scene at the party annoy me so much?
i'm still not sure
it just did...

an explosive 4th

we spent most of the 4th
doing nothing
G played and played
jayme stayed in bed
she hasn't been getting much sleep lately
and didn't feel up to much else
i needed a lazy Saturday
since we've been back from Europe i don't think we've had one solitary day
like this one
in the morning i finally finished the song i started in G's paris apartment video
it's called "38 rue de sévigné"
then i was on a roll
i wrote words and a bridge to a nice melody i'd been
farming since May
called "unstoppable"
i think it's a really special one
by 2pm i got around to a song i was really struggling with lyrics to
now it's finished and called "hit parade"
"for a friend" was next
it became totally obvious how to finish this one
after a month of wrestling with it
momentum is a strange thing
no matter how hard you try
you can't make it happen
it just simply has to appear
outta the blue
outta nowhere
on this lazy 4th
i was struck by crystal clear inspiration
maybe it's because i feel relaxed?
my mind was a blan slate
i had nothing on the agenda today
nothing to do or fix
no errands to run
or jobs to be done
i feel good now
and excited knowing that these songs
are now finished
and i'm happy with them
ideas on when and how to record them have also sprung up too

we're on to hang out and celebrate the 4th with the Vrooms now
i hope all of you had a good one too

love

s

sunday morning

holding your hand above the abyss
think of the things that i'm gonna miss
white swirling clouds tumble beneath our feet
i'll never forget this sunday morning...

the curse of Denton
was double broken last night
shattered even
like a Muhammad Ali knockout punch
Denton fell like Frazier
in the first round
i had a beautiful drive
at sunset
(well, as beautiful as driving through Lewisville and Coppell could be!)
the Ipod was on random
some strange almost cryptic tunes popped up
"Model Brothers" for starters
it made me sad
i thought about first going to Denton with F 20 years ago
yes, 20
it was hard not to feel a bit emotional about it all
then the Damned came on with "13th Floor Vendetta"
an old favorite of the N brothers
just as i rolled into Denton and the sun was fading on the horizon
"Death is a Star"
with Strummer's smoke addled voice whispering to me
"and i was gripped by that deadly phantom..."
my past
my phantom
so many memories
most of them painful
i ran away from this place
i vowed i'd never go back
i didn't play shows here for ages
i wrote about hating Denton
but what i really hated were the memories i associated with this place
memories of disappointment
and rejection
it felt good to be here again and be ok with it all
to not feel anything close to those feelings of old
happy that none of those things mattered anymore

my evening started with a pleasant dinner with my friends
Carla and Dean
they took me to a nice restaurant called the Greenhouse
one hour there felt like 5 minutes
over in a blink
then we drove a whopping 3 minutes back to Dan's
i love the vibe of this place
the way they have it decked out
it feels like Silverlake in LA to me
without the pretension
and Jimmy
the soundguy there
is one of the best in Texas
a Picasso of sound
the Whiskey Folk Ramblers went on around 10:30
trumpet and Spaghetti western guitar blazing
they sounded terrific
and i loved the 5 hats running across the stage!!
it got me revved up for our sessions later this week
we went on around 11:45
and surprisingly
there was a good crowd
i say surprisingly because Denton during the summer
can be rough business
i know all too well how the club crowds dry up once
school lets out
anyway - there we people
and they liked us
we played until 1am
the new Phil Spectoresque arrangement of "Love is All Around"
and "Saint Georges" were highlights for me
the crowd even asked for an encore
we play "the World is Full of People"
it was a triumphant return for sure
and well worth the wait
i don't think i'd played with a band in little D since the late '90s
rumour has it
we might be coming back in the Fall
so this could be the beginning of my new love affair with Denton...
ha!!!



love,


s

3 years

it's my 3 year anniversary on blogger
almost to the day
i just backed-up all my posts from the last year
then imported all the euro tour notes from facebook
it took me over an hour
only a drop in the bucket of loose ends i want to tidy up
i feel like there's too much to do
there aren't enough hours in the day
i'm struggling with finding peace
i'm struggling with being caught up in the doing (all the time)
we've been back now for only a month
bills and repairs are flying every which way
mishaps and things that need fixing right and left
that good ole "hamster on a wheel" feeling is back in full swing
i feel like i can barely keep up with it all
and then
at the end of the day
i'm gonna create?
sit here and write songs?
i don't have the energy most days
i've started at least 10 in the last month
but i can't find the time to finish any of them
i came back inspired
now i'm just tired
my jobs that need doing list stares up at me from the desk
french drain in front of studio to fix studio flooding problem
duplex repairs
carport
new closet
broken shelves in the storage room
broken lock
water leak
faulty faucet
sagging gutters
drop off the Jeep
sift through the 500 gigs of junk the data recovery people gave us
oh, and buy more baby stuff
(yeah - she's on her way and needs some gear!!!)
then
in the back left corner of my mind
cowering behind the stack of "practical" concerns
too scared to come out
afraid someone other than me might notice
how ridiculous he is
is my "other" to-do list...
finish the salim vs. shibboleth record (am i kidding myself?)
complete the double disc delusions of grandeur outtakes cd (now i'm truly delusional)
record live at pleasantry lane 2 with the constellations (commit me please...)
the sons of hermann hall live dvd (south korea is nice this time of year for a vacation...)

so i may be feeling overwhelmed tonight
but i still know these are all relatively minor things
it's just stuff after all
it doesn't really matter so much in the big picture
a close friend of mine
someone i've known for over 15 years
is going under the knife this week
the possibility of cancer looming large
(please send out a prayer or thought for him and his family)
every single day we have on this earth
where we don't have to face things like this
are truly lucky...
so i'm also counting my blessing at 1:43am

90 degrees at 9am?

3 shows this week
saturday night i do battle with the curse of denton
at dan's silverleaf
the whiskey folk ramblers will be there with us to try and make sure
only good things happen
sunday night chris holt and i go back to mineral wells
to play the clark gardens
tuesday night it's barley house with the constellations
we're hosting besides daniel from atlanta

we still haven't found out how many of the euro pictures will be saved
maybe tomorrow?
it's been an ordeal...
we finally started work chris holt's solo record yesterday
(original day 1 was post phoned by rain last week)
we're off to a fantastic start with "meltdown"
rhett's record has been getting fantastic reviews nationwide
4 stars in rolling stone!
i've even been writing a little bit
"coma"
"winners"
"andalucia in the spring"
jayme got me the stiff records book for father's day
yeah!
the wreckless eric radio shows keep rolling
so go have a listen at his website!
july is almost here
the texas tour with buttercup and the deathray davies
plus the return of half the polaroids
it's gonna be fantastic

now if i could only get that overwhelmed feeling
outta my system...