Thursday, November 30, 2006

it's snowing outside my heart

snow coming down
the wind chimes going
all 3 of them
G is watching bob the builder
on VHS
on the green couch
in front of the christmas tree
i've got the lights on
it's cozy
cento and nabb
just left
we had to rehearse for the dallas music revue
going down at sons of hermann hall
saturday night
to benefit the homeless
i'm thinking of those people today
it's really cold outside
can you even imagine what it would be like
to be out there today
sleeping in a cardboard box?
it's almost unimaginable to me
i'm gonna sing "western union"
and "evol not love"
by the five americans
an obscure dallas '60s group
great tunes
selected for me by the fabulous mr. cento
thanks don!!

i'm going to work on my record tonight
tomorrow (friday night)
is art conspiracy
there will be a SPECIAL surprise
for those of you who come

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

calm before the storm

had a really nice afternoon with my little assistant
G money nourallah
we put posters up all 'round town for my upcoming show
at the granada
we went and picked up lefler
G hadn't seen him in awhile
he was excited
we went to guitar center
i bought a vox AC-15
G hit drums
gasped at pretty guitars
watched the spinning lights
we came home and i plug the gretsch into the vox
it sounded amazing
i called lefler and thanked him for the hot tip
then G and i went and saw cj
up at good records
G built a lego castle
with the giant legos
and cj asked me how my face got on the cover
of the new joseph arthur cd
then we went and got mom some surprise flowers
i thought pink would be nice
but gavin insisted red was better
they were really orange
but i didn't want to sweat him on the details

a storm is supposed to be rolling in
sometime tonight
freezing cold
maybe some sleet
hard to believe
as it's warm and pleasant right now
but it feels like nature knows
something is coming
kind of beautifully ominous

art conspiracy II is coming too
friday night
longhorn ballroom
i'll be there
jayme's gonna paint
i'm gonna rock
you should come too
last year was amazing
this year promises to be doubly amazing
150 artists
5 bands
all the proceeds going to helping our community
a legendary venue
we're gonna make history friday
see you there!!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

life in a split second

you've made it to the last one
did it all go by way too quickly?
does it seem like yesterday
you sat down at your computer
to look at what salim had to say that day
only to find he'd begun this sludging through
beautiful noise
maybe a much deserved plaque
coming to you from
you earned it
for suffering through my ramblings

i guess i have my grandfather to thank for this one
he said to me once
"no matter how many years you live
even if you make it to 80
you'll look back on it all
and it'll seem like it happened
in a split second."
i filed that thought away for many years
it was heavy

"a life we were somehow lent
don’t get too attached
‘cause you’ll have to give it back"

i worked many months on the lyrics to this one
especially the ending
right up until i cut the vocal
i was still trying to work it out
"life in a split second" wins second most difficult
recording on beautiful noise
right behind "the otherside"
sometimes i wonder if i should have put drums on this one
but i guess that's what's fun about
hearing the noise play it live
maybe someday i'll do another version of it for an e.p.?

"it’s never as good as we want
phoning up to god our own list of demands"

i deliberated for a couple of weeks
on whether this song
or "all those years down there"
should close out noise
"years" was the "happy ending"
(you get that on the tapete release now)
i think split second was the right choice
it leaves the whole questioning element of the record
still open-ended
and i believe this truly
that no one knows
NO ONE can answer this great question
we all live with
we will always ask
we will never have the answers
until we leave this earth
i believe in a creator
i believe there is a reason
but i will never say that
beyond a shadow of a doubt
such and such is the truth
and i will certainly not predict what's going to happen
when we leave our bodies behind
that's why i feel scared sometimes
that's why i get sad
it's ok
it's part of being alive
maybe someday it'll all be too much
and i'll take another philosophical road
who knows?
for now
this is where i'm at

Sunday, November 26, 2006

sunday morning

"please don’t erase these memories god"

i was talking with my mother
about 8 months ago
i was telling her about one of my favorite things
about being a parent
when little G comes running
into our bedroom
in the morning
and he climbs up in bed with us
for a "family cuddle"
as he calls it
horsing around
"tickle fall downing"
"alligator wrestlator"
and all his other funny games
i asked my mom if we ever did that when i was little?
she said ever since the first night i came home
from the hospital
they put me in my crib
in the middle room
and that's where i stayed
i asked her if they ever took me in to their room
when i was crying in the middle of the night
or in the morning after they were up
she said
i felt sad
even though i'd never remember it
i still felt cheated somehow
and i felt sorry for my parents
what a mistake they'd made
missed out on something very special

the thing about dying that freaks me out the most
is losing these memories of jayme and gavin
and all the other beautiful times i've had here
i make a vow in this song
to never forget
no matter what happens after i'm gone
that they won't erase my mind
after i'm gone
it makes me feel better
when i listen to "sunday morning"
even though i know it's one gigantic fantasy
it's a song of hope
and love

it was unfinished
when i started recording it
i'd been working on the lyrics for months
i had 4 or 5 pages of them
i couldn't seem to edit them down
i recorded all of holt's great electric guitars
before there were even drums
pretty amazing when i listen back now
all the intricate parts
i eventually whittled down to lyrics i liked
i probably spent more time mixing this one
than any other song on beautiful noise
it might hold the most sentimental value to me

"follow me down to where we once lived and breathed"

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

blog interrupted by giving thanks

i'm have so many reasons to be thankful today

here's a list...

carlo diamonte
baby jessica
matt p.
dave little
jayson b.
john k.
jayson h.
brian s.
daniel m.
daniel h.
r. rowan
paul a.
mike sch.
mike sn.
johnny lloyd
jim p.
jim h.
brian f.
carter a.
trey j.
greg f.
doc ross
tommy g.
tommy r.
kenneth k.
grace v.
r. quazi
rick n.
sarah jane
paul s.

i'm looking forward to a day of nothing
but celebrating this life we have
with my family
to pause and give thanks for all the things
i sometimes take for granted

i love you all


slowly gently softly

i began writing this one in may of '04
but didn't finish it until september
i deliberately started recording it
even though it was completely unfinished
sometimes i think coming in
with too many polished songs
leads to a record that is exactly that
too polished
the songs that aren't quite done
lend themselves to more radical treatments
this one being a good example
i think it's sonically one of the most interesting things
i've done
almost a sound collage
nary a trace of any influence to be found
on this track
i love the way it ends
with the mellotron swirl
and repeating vocal

"i’ll pretend to not be scared of anything for you"

it's my favorite ending for sure

i'd been thinking a lot at the time
about children who lose a parent(s)
before they're old enough to remember them
all these amazing moments shared
remembered by the adults
lost to the children
maybe that's why so many confused teens
wonder why their parents are still fawning over them?
they still see the little child
not the growing up too fast brat

as i've said before
i'm out of control video camera dad
constantly documenting everything
i want G to have "this is your life"
the video anthology
volumes 1 thru 2,000,000
to watch when he's older
even if the mind rips you off a bit
and doesn't let us retain all the best parts
you can still watch some of it on video!!
it's amazing we have the technology to do this
why not take advantage of it?

the words to this song aren't very hard to decipher
they fast forward
to the day of my own demise

"slowly, gently, softly
coming back to you

slowly, gently, softly
life slips out of view"

as soon as i had something important to live for
my son
my wife
a good life
i got a bit more pre-occupied with my own mortality
that's the way it works, right?
when we have something to lose
we always grip tighter
the stranglehold sets in
i'm absolutely terrified of going early
what happened to lennon has haunted me since i was 13
leaving his son and wife at that age
it's so tragic
there are so many other stories of people less famous
than him too
i want so badly to be there to see G grow up
i've known people who've lost one of their parents
at a young age
and it's heartbreaking
i don't obsess on this subject
but i'll admit it's on my mind
another dark thought that made it out of me
and became a song

Monday, November 20, 2006

the otherside

i have virtually no memories of writing this song
i have no idea where it came from
i have a date that says i was there and wrote it
on that day
i think this was the first line that came to me

"on the happiest day of my life i was sad"

it's possibly my favorite lyric on noise
almost like an imaginary line
drawn in the sand
people who get what i mean by this
step over to the other side
come on board
you know what beautiful noise is all about
people who think this is a miserably dark
gloom-mongering sentiment
maybe the next myspace act that spams you
is more deserving of your entertainment dollars?

i love life so much
that i don't want to let go of it
it's ok to be sad
it's ok to be scared
i want to face my sadness
and fear
not run away anymore
the otherside is my attempt
to face these things
within the confines of a song

there is a melancholy that always finds its way to me
during the best moments of my life
with my family and friends
i can't help but think
if even for a second
that i want these people i love to always be there
to never have to say goodbye
for these moments to never stop
why is it all so fleeting?
so real
so vivid
so beautiful
then gone
you know
in a split second...
did i take a photo?
make a video?
write a song about?
or a poem?
capture it in a painting?
if there' one subject i keep coming back to
over and over again
it's obviously this one
i've written about it every which way i know how
looked at it from every angle
"one foot stuck in the past"
"those days are gone"
"christmas eve"
"missing you"
to only name a few
and i'm back to it again
on the otherside

i don't play this song live much
'cause i don't often feel like drawing the line
night after night
or singing
"are you afraid of dying?
'cause i'm afraid of dying"
in a bar full of people
out to have a good time
i feel self-conscious sometimes
it makes me uncomfortable

coming into the recording of noise
i thought this was one of the better ones i'd written
but it was a real nightmare to record it
98 tracks and 4 months later
i finally arrived at something i could live with
but it was a gigantic hair pulling fiasco to get there
although every other song on BN was relatively painless
to put down
the otherside was the screaming kicking brat of the bunch
one of the problems was
the polaroids had been playing it live
because i was so excited about the song
then i made the mistake of recording it
for the live pleasantry lane cd
as soon as that happened the otherside lost
all its noise version mojo
i don't believe in making "demos"
for this reason
the life of every new song always escapes
immediately the first time you record it
it's like letting the genii out of the bottle
i've seen it happen time and time again
so i've stopped making demos
and i refuse to record anyone who wants to make a demo
they always wonder why the "real" recording failed to capture
something the demo had
it's almost as if the songs soul has left its body

Saturday, November 18, 2006

all waste the days

"they push and they shove
get on to the subway
while all barely awake"

i feel lucky
every single day of my life
that i get to do what i love
i don't have to get up at dawn every morning
or even sooner
and make the sleepy commute
in a sea of traffic
with all the other people
on their way to work
in jobs they can't stand
the lucky ones
are the ones who like what they do
a luxury
i know
so much of our lives spent
running around
chasing dollars
simply trying to survive
i've always thought there was more to life than that
a grand notion
but maybe a bit naive too?
it's an impossibly hard thing to avoid
especially after you've had children

"we feed in to line, the glare of the sun shines
in to our dull eyes"

this was one of the last songs recorded for noise
i almost left it off
even though it was one of my favorites
i thought it might belong on another record instead
i'm glad i backed out of that decision
i think it's a nice break from the d songs
sonically it's one of my faves
steve duncan's atmospheric guitar still sends me to that
chilly dawn commute
another nice piece of aural painting from the band
this was "single #2" off of noise
in my own mind
if nowhere else

Friday, November 17, 2006

no guarantee

after gavin's operation
jayme and i had a rare "date night"
we went for the usual frivolous lighthearted fun
"21 grams"
a movie about a mother who loses who her 2 daughters
and husband
to a drunk driver
it's a heavy heavy movie
and particularly heavy for parents
who've been dealing with thoughts of losing their child
we cried and cried
and cried
and cried
and then went home to our baby
and cried some more
it was actually kind of darkly comedic to us
at the time
we laughed some in the middle of crying
because we knew we were so lucky
as it was post-operation
and he had made it ok
it's now a funny little memory of mine

"no guarantee"
makes me think of that experience
for being a song with such a dark subject matter
it was actually a pleasure to record
even fun
john d. and jason g.
my favorite rhythm section
laid down a simple
but very effective groove
lindsay g. brought his pedals
and made some beautiful noise
richard played a great abstract piano solo
paul averitt made my guitar solo idea at the end sound
even better
(very s. fellows too)
they all helped create the chilly
a nice piece of aural painting
that transports the listener to early morning
just past dawn
a car speeding through the icy suburban streets

"it happens in an instant
the clouds swallow the sky
a fraction of a second
less than it takes to say

this section (the bridge)
nods very slightly in the direction of an obscure favorite of mine
the comsat angels
in particular
fiction era comsats
faris once said about this track
"you're the first person who found a way
to run the comsats into the beatles"
i took that as a compliment

there are no guarantees in this life
such an obvious thing
we all know it
it doesn't take a genius to state the obvious
but i had to remind myself with this song

"think of your home – it could be the last time"

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

first love

my grandparents
robert severs
edna daum
were both born in rural arkansas
robert on september 12 1910
edna on february 7 1912
they were my mother's parents
they met in grade school
married young
in may 1930
moved to detroit right after that
they had 3 children
richard - the oldest
an artist
class valedictorian
popular with the ladies
karen - their only daughter
an artist too
who let her parents down by marrying an arab
whom they grudge-matched with for 35 years
glen- the youngest
the failure
the least educated
always tried to please robert but never could
ended up in detroit
working my grandfather's same job
at domestic linen in detroit
a commercial laundry plant
running the machines
trying to fill his father's shoes
and earn his respect
but he never would

papa told me and faris all kinds of things
sometimes he'd talk to us like we were adults
not kids
and it was cool
'cause no other adults ever did that
and he had a great sense of humor
a childlike twinkle in his eyes
always making sly asides and wisecracks
nothing at all like our father
we loved joking around with him
he was the anti-fayez in some ways
a man men admired
and women wanted to be around
a real charmer if ever there was one

he once said
when we were driving the back roads around pleasant grove
in his white and yellow 1972 ford pickup truck
"never marry your first love..."
it was shocking advice
from someone who'd married his
and stayed married for 0ver 70 years
which i can barely fathom
we thought of him and edna as the model love story
but we found out later that he'd had an affair
when he was in his forties
with a secretary at the factory he worked at
he'd tried to leave edna
but his girlfriend didn't want the kids
just him
it blew our little minds
and when i was older i got this feeling
that he was being punished by
"ed" (his nickname for her)
she never quite got over the betrayal
even though they spent another 50 years together
after it happened
my grandfather paid his penance
by agreeing to go back to pleasant grove
and follow ed's wish to live her final years
in her parent's old house
the middle of nowhere arkansas
those "final years" ended up being 33

so who was it who wrote "no one died in 1978"
they lied

richard died in 1978
on august 23rd
he was just shy of 43
he'd had cancer
i still hear my mother sobbing
as she got word on the phone in our kitchen
it nearly killed my grandmother
a salt of the earth country girl
the big city never changed her
down to earth
(she once said she only had practical dreams
she'd be at the grocery store, sewing, cooking)
a devoted christian
firm believer
church every sunday
she was an enthusiastic hymn singer
with a really funny voice
she took religion very seriously
papa once said
they never once had sex on a sunday
this was another shocker

"she says richard waits for us
but i don't think he really does"

i remember this like it was yesterday...
nana sitting in the living room of their house
on her green lazee boy chair
slowly rocking back and forth
doing the crosswords with her bifocals on
when she says
"the one thing i look forward to the most when
i die and go to heaven - is seeing richard waiting there for me"
i'll never forget my grandfather's face at that moment
it contorted into a twisted sigh
because you see
even though they both knew richard was gay
and even though they'd been taught for years
in church
that there was no place in heaven
for sinners of that nature
edna was lost in blissful denial
she ignored the "facts"
and continued on as a devoted christian
who believed her son would make it to heaven
despite his "sinful lifestyle"
this was something my grandfather couldn't reconcile
he told us on another trip in the '72 ford
that he wished he could talk to her about this
talk to her about whether there was a god
or not
and plenty of other things

he was afraid of dying
he didn't know where he was going
he wanted to believe but couldn't quite make the leap of faith
all these feelings he had
and questions
they struck a chord deep in me
i will never forget how sorry i felt for him
as a teenager i was ill-equiped to say anything
that might possibly offer comfort
i wish we'd had a chance to talk when i was older

i don't think robert and edna ever discussed
these things
but she was by his side
right up until the end
believing to the very last breath
that it would all be ok
and richard would be waiting when she got there

Sunday, November 12, 2006

the apartment

"we’ve moved away
but part of us stays behind
the part of us that’s died
i’ll visit in my sleep"

we were so happy
in our little duplex/apartment
we had hardly any money
and not a lot of space
but what we did have
was way more important


i still miss that place
the room where gavie took his first steps
said his first word
even though i'm very happy here
part of me is still there
what can i say?
i'm a sentimental fool...

one morning i woke from a horrible dream
and this story was there

"i had this dream last night
that i’d returned to the apartment where we used to live

a place once loved abandoned"

we'd been looking for a new home around that time
so obviously this had been weighing on my sub-conscience
but in this dream
jayme and i had split up
and i was somewhere else
and sad
i saw the times we had in the apartment
playing through my head
like a movie
we were so happy then
now it was just a memory

g said something 2 days ago that made me think of this song
he was humming a little tune to himself and jayme asked him what it was called
he said "momma, it's called - the living houses"
living houses?
well we all know buildings are inanimate objects
but when i walk with g in our neighborhood
i can't help but notice all the homes that seem
and then the ones that are "dead"
in this dream i saw our home that way
many years after we'd left
the ghosts of our lives floating around the place
the laughter muffled somewhere in the walls
the smiles only left in photographs

it made me terribly sad
i wrote this song

"four walls a door
not too much more
but here inside this place we made
a life that i adored"

Friday, November 10, 2006

never say never

i'll never forget looking over jayme's shoulder
late one night
while gavin was sleeping in his crib
we read about
this terrible birth defect
our son might have
we'd been told earlier that day
x-rays showed a problem with his head
surely this was a mistake
we were in shock
the doctors said
his brain might not have enough room to grow
down the line
possible brain damage

we looked the term they used up on the internet
it was called
it refers to the early closing
of one or more of the sutures of an infant's head
the skull is composed of bones
which are separated by sutures
as an infant's brain grows
open sutures allow the skull to expand
and develop to a normal head shape
if one or more of the sutures has closed early
the skull expands in the direction of the open sutures
the result is an abnormal head shape
and in some cases
increased pressure on the growing brain
leading to mental impairment
jayme found an online forum where parents recounted stories
of their babies' operations
incisions made from ear to ear
to cut out the bone that had fused
in order to let it "hopefully" re-grow properly
surely there was an answer other than operating on our baby
turns out there wasn't...
that was the only way
horror brought to life

not a single day goes by
that i don't feel lucky that gavie is with us
the fear of something else happening to him
will never go away
this is instilled in all parents anyway
maybe amplified a bit in jayme and i
because of what we've already been through
i started this song on october 11
my son was two months old
i have only the slightest recollection of its beginnings
at the time
all i had was the "never say never...never say no" bit
exactly one month later
in fact
to the day
on november 11
gavin underwent surgery at children's medical
we had to put our trust in those doctors
trust that they would take care of our baby boy
they did...
i am forever indebted to them

i finished "never say never" shortly after that
the missing pieces fell into place
if almost by magic

Tuesday, November 07, 2006


did you know
before g was born
jayme and i got to travel
all around north america
on a rock'n'roll tour bus

almost 2 months
with rhett erica danny d. and scotty p.
we played a lot of shows
even conan o'brien in nyc
he was really tall
we took a lot of funny polaroids
stayed up late
played video games
watched sopranos
listened to music
a party every night
we made lots of new friends
friends i'll have for life
like alex dezen
teddy boy
and lefler
we slept in our tour bus coffins
while we rolled through state after state
woke up in the afternoon
if we'd gotten to sleep at all
every day a new state
a new city
like captain kirk had beamed us there
none of the normal hassles of traveling
it was weird not actually seeing how we got there
we even went to canada
it was freezing cold
and snowing
i took a polaroid of jayme and scott shivering in the cold
with their coffees
i think of that picture when i hear this song
how many guys are lucky enough
to go on tour with their wife?
maybe a lot of musicians don't consider that cool
but i do
no led zeppelin "how to behave on tour" manual for me
not my idea of cool
those guys were idiots

the touring lifestyle is only good in small doses
even with a bus
it's difficult
not very much sleep
no privacy
living out of suitcases
filing one by one into the hotel "day room"
to shower and clean-up before you get back on the bus
and head to the next city
i hated the day room thing
it was weird
but sharing the whole experience with jayme
was awesome
it made being away from home for so long
not as difficult
this was something i'd always wanted to do
i didn't think i'd ever get the chance
but i did
and at the end of it all
in seattle
one balmy day in december
the 9th to be exact
we found out we were going to have a child
one year later i wrote montreal

the words were
in part
inspired by thoughts of jayme and i traveling together
during these pre-g times

"spinning records on the bus
montreal ahead of us"

this song is at the heart of beautiful noise
it's about what i think is the reason for being


simple as that
to me without it
we've got nothing
we are nothing
there's no point in hanging on to any of this without love
i was born in the summer of love

the melody came to me before one of the last happiness factor shows
at the old barley house
march 2003
i usually have my hand-held recorder laying around the house
for these fleeting moments of inspiration
they usually disappear into thin air if i don't record them
but this tune was strong enough to survive the gig
and come back to me 2 days later
when i had a chance to record the idea
the words came much later
7 months later
not until december of '03
2 days before christmas
1 month after gavin's operation

Sunday, November 05, 2006

the world is full of people (who want to hurt you)

most of the beautiful noise songs were written
early in the morning
while i watched over gavie
and tried to let jayme get in an hour or two of sleep
she was hardly getting any
one of g's first nicknames was
mr. chompers
'cause he had a mouth full of teeth by 8 months
and babies who teethe early
are up most of the night crying
on april 2nd 2004
he happily lay on our old red couch
in the front room of the duplex we lived in
i strummed my guitar at his feet
i wished i could always be there to watch over him
these words came out

"the world is full of people who want to hurt"

unhappy people spread their unhappiness
like the plague
what's the ole saying?
misery loves company

"broken homes all in a row
and someone there who'll grow to want to hurt you..."

here was my son
in a peaceful happy home
with loving parents
a decent chance at growing up to be a good person
to have a reasonably happy life
i imagined a child my son's same age
maybe 4 houses down from ours
at that very moment
surrounded by violence
and hatred
to be raised and poisoned in that environment
18 years later they both walk out of their front doors
into the adult world
that other child ready for revenge
hell bent on destruction
ready to give back to the world all that he's been dealt
those children hardly have a chance
it's such a sad sad cycle
some break out of it
but many do not

"i wonder how it feels to hate so much"

this isn't even remotely a political song
but lately
considering all the horrible things going on in the world forum
"stuff your message of love up the end of their guns"
has taken on a different meaning for me
when i've been singing this verse lately
i think of bin laden and bush and all the other fools
using violence and destruction as the answer
in the end
it's the innocent who suffer for their misguided notions of justice

some notes about the recording...
i had originally wanted the feel of this song to be a bit like
"why don't we do it in the road"
the bouncy piano is the only giveaway

the lead vocal on this song was actually intended to be the
scratch vocal
i strummed and sang it live to a metronome
for daniel h. to put the drums to
later on i discovered i really liked the vibe of the scratch vocal
and the sound of the acoustic guitar poking through the vocal track
a happy accident

when this song won best song in the dallas observer music awards
i didn't have the words to say how good it made me feel
i was speechless
my acceptance speech thusly sucked
i know it wasn't a grammy
or emmy
but for me it might as well been one

i hope my son gets a kick out of it when he grows up
it was his song that won

Saturday, November 04, 2006

the beautiful noise

so i've written the track by track
for polaroid
the blow by blow
for nourallah brothers
now i'm feeling like i want to try and tackle
beautiful noise
there's a lot more stories in my head for this one
so i'm only going to go one song at a time
i'll try to remember as much as i can
it's a hazy period of my life
i want to get these memories down before they leave
my mind

the beautiful noise

was inspired in part by something faris said to me
on the phone
something along the lines of
"i imagine the person i want to be
but see what i've become instead..."
a sad realization
how many of us have had this thought?
brutal self awareness
his words somehow collided with thoughts i was having at the time
about the baby i'd just helped bring into this world

"we start off in this life
in paradise
we only know the joy, the beautiful noise"

sometimes it seemed to me like when gavie was less than 6 months old
he was almost tuned in to a different channel
laughing at things up past our heads
angels maybe?
smiling at things we couldn't see
it was nice to think that maybe he was still somewhere else
the residue of the place he was just in fading away
the beautiful noise still playing in his head
soon to be replaced by the sounds of this world

"think of the person you wanna be
look at who you’ve become"

a common and much over-agonized thought...
what if we could re-trace the mis-steps of our lives?
go back to when it all started
all the endless possibilities
all the potential
what would we do differently?
you probably haven't heard one of my all-time favorite songs
by the blue nile
it was a b-side
a sad quiet piano ballad
rainy streets early morning
wonderfully mournful
"it's 3:30
and i'm thinking of you
it makes me think of the crux of this song's chorus

"we could have been
we could have been

the "we"
maybe faris and i?
this could've been a nourallah brothers tune
when i first started working on it
that's what i was thinking
but i ended up singing this song to and for my son
who has his whole life in front of him
and i was hoping that it would turn out better than mine did

"the fingers point to those
who might’ve chose
a path different than that which failure closed"

i'd felt like a failure most of my life
but things were rapidly changing when i wrote these words
i don't feel like that anymore

Wednesday, November 01, 2006


i started out yesterday feeling pretty uptight
agitated anxious grumpy
haven't had a day off in a few weeks
and was feeling overwhelmed
all the things around here in an ongoing state of deterioration
so many things needing attention
so little time
i didn't start feeling better until G and i
started working on some things
went next door and did some touch up painting
G amused himself with the sound of his own voice
amplified and echoed by the empty rooms
he stomped and hollered and ran around like a 3 year old should
after that we went out to the studio
he banged on the drums while i vacuumed
delicately played the "this is a goodnight song" on the piano
while i put things in their proper place
the studio was a wreck
it had been ages since i'd had a chance to do this
more mundane activities followed
the plumber came
i switched out some airfilters
watered the plants
cleaned my car
terribly exciting led zeppelinesque rock'n'roll debauchery
i know i know
i'm a hell raiser
it made me feel good though
by the time 5:30 rolled around
i was riding high on a wave of small domestic achievements
jayme started getting G ready
she had been carefully constructing his robot outfit for days
a badass mom if ever there was one
the lights (yes, lights)
the legs
the headgear
all ready for action now
another costume masterpiece from J
G was perfectly nonchalant as she put him in his uncomfortable
robo attire
once it was all secured he posed for some quick pics
and off we went
"i am a robot - eeeoh eeeoh"
we made a couple of surprise visits to the grandparents
jayme and i hid while G knocked on their doors
they were shocked by his get-up
thrilled to see him too
it was fun to see their reactions
at 9 we hadn't even had dinner yet
so we got some teppo sushi to go
my favorite place in dallas to eat
so that was nice
then we put G in his comfy flannel pajamas
had an extra long teeth brushing session
tucked him in
for a very nice family cuddle - as he calls it
gavie sandwiched in between momma and dadda on his little bed
these are the moments i treasure most as a parent
we sang some songs
read a couple of short books
horsed around
until the little guy passed out in mid thumb suck
such a sweet ending to my best halloween ever