the apartment

"we’ve moved away
but part of us stays behind
the part of us that’s died
i’ll visit in my sleep"

we were so happy
in our little duplex/apartment
we had hardly any money
and not a lot of space
but what we did have
was way more important

love

i still miss that place
sometimes
the room where gavie took his first steps
said his first word
even though i'm very happy here
part of me is still there
what can i say?
i'm a sentimental fool...

one morning i woke from a horrible dream
and this story was there

"i had this dream last night
that i’d returned to the apartment where we used to live
a place once loved abandoned"

we'd been looking for a new home around that time
so obviously this had been weighing on my sub-conscience
but in this dream
jayme and i had split up
and i was somewhere else
miserable
and sad
i saw the times we had in the apartment
playing through my head
like a movie
we were so happy then
now it was just a memory

g said something 2 days ago that made me think of this song
he was humming a little tune to himself and jayme asked him what it was called
he said "momma, it's called - the living houses"
living houses?
well we all know buildings are inanimate objects
but when i walk with g in our neighborhood
i can't help but notice all the homes that seem
"alive"
and then the ones that are "dead"
abandoned
neglected
sad
in this dream i saw our home that way
many years after we'd left
the ghosts of our lives floating around the place
the laughter muffled somewhere in the walls
the smiles only left in photographs

it made me terribly sad
i wrote this song

"four walls a door
not too much more
but here inside this place we made
a life that i adored"