the beautiful noise
so i've written the track by trackfor polaroid
the blow by blow
for nourallah brothers
now i'm feeling like i want to try and tackle
beautiful noise
there's a lot more stories in my head for this one
so i'm only going to go one song at a time
i'll try to remember as much as i can
it's a hazy period of my life
i want to get these memories down before they leave
my mind
the beautiful noise
was inspired in part by something faris said to me
on the phone
something along the lines of
"i imagine the person i want to be
but see what i've become instead..."
a sad realization
how many of us have had this thought?
brutal self awareness
his words somehow collided with thoughts i was having at the time
about the baby i'd just helped bring into this world
"we start off in this life
in paradise
we only know the joy, the beautiful noise"
sometimes it seemed to me like when gavie was less than 6 months old
he was almost tuned in to a different channel
laughing at things up past our heads
angels maybe?
smiling at things we couldn't see
it was nice to think that maybe he was still somewhere else
the residue of the place he was just in fading away
the beautiful noise still playing in his head
soon to be replaced by the sounds of this world
"think of the person you wanna be
look at who you’ve become"
a common and much over-agonized thought...
what if we could re-trace the mis-steps of our lives?
go back to when it all started
all the endless possibilities
all the potential
what would we do differently?
you probably haven't heard one of my all-time favorite songs
"regret"
by the blue nile
it was a b-side
a sad quiet piano ballad
rainy streets early morning
wonderfully mournful
"it's 3:30
and i'm thinking of you
regret..."
it makes me think of the crux of this song's chorus
"we could have been
we could have been
anyone
anything"
the "we"
maybe faris and i?
this could've been a nourallah brothers tune
when i first started working on it
that's what i was thinking
but i ended up singing this song to and for my son
who has his whole life in front of him
and i was hoping that it would turn out better than mine did
"the fingers point to those
who might’ve chose
a path different than that which failure closed"
i'd felt like a failure most of my life
but things were rapidly changing when i wrote these words
thankfully
i don't feel like that anymore
posted by salim nourallah at 10:24 AM
4 Comments:
Preface-please do not post comment, for your eyes only (damn that Sheena Easton for ruining this phrase for everyone!).
Dear Salim,
I have listened to all released songs (and some unreleased) written by you and your brother...many times over. I have never been able to listen to you or Faris without being moved...moved to some other place, time, memory, loss, curiosity, relationships, discovery, desire...so many emotions. I have read articles where you and (rarely) Faris have commented, defined, or shared insight about your songs. The first time I heard 'Beautiful Noise' and 'The World Is Full of People', they instantly made me think of references to Faris. I heard you describe 'The World Is Full of People' was motivated by your son and things going on with him in the beginning of his precious...how the enormity of that experience in your life and perhaps tapping into plethora of swirling emotions. I can absolutely recognize this, but still wonder if this song makes some reference or parallel emotions to Faris. Step back to 'Polaroid'...so many references on that album (in my humble opinion) to your relationship or deterioration of what once was or could have been...
I think 'King of Sweden' is the album where I recognize the most distinctive expression of loss, nostalgia, etc. of what you mean (and have meant) to him...that magical bond you once shared that somehow got lost with time and/or blurred beyond recognition. I have wondered if 'Lifeboat' and 'Dream Killers' on his new album are most current expression of the Nourallah brothers???
The boundaries of love we experience in our life are easily blurred from one relationship or from one experience to another. Some days are better than others...we can reflect back on those days or moments that were new, meaningful, and they can carry us through when we need them. Other times, it is difficult to not think of what used to be and what went wrong...is there an instruction manual for this, a power tool, or magic pill to fix it? What do people do with this stuff...I know I have run out of storage space. Thank God you both have an outlet. Thank God you once shared something so amazing that others never get a glimpse of...the lines in some relationships that are so intertwined, you can't tell where one starts and one ends...I wonder how those lines somehow become parallel and will they ever connect again?
Truthfully, I also wish there was a rewind button, or memory vacuum (some sort of device like the one in 'Sunshine of a Spotless Mind'). Yeah...but then we would probably live the same stuff over and over...never learning a darn thing. The jury is still out on this one for me...still not sure which one I would pick...(smile).
I send my heart out to you and Faris (a heart which is somewhat tattered, but still intact somehow (insert smile here)...thank God for good friends, sunshine, music, and things that keep me going) I once heard you say 'I hope this one has a happy ending' (after making a comment about singing sad songs just before singing one of your brother's songs). I hope there is a happy new beginning or that you can share the story of a happy ending someday many years from now. Wonder if they will still have blogs then????
Thank you for sharing glimpses of your life here...Funny that so many people in this world feel so alone and different. Oh, the farce, we just don't (or won't)talk about it and get to caught up in our own microcosms...thank goodness there are people that take the risk (knock down some bricks) are willing to share!
Please continue sharing, making wonderful tunes, and know that you do make a difference.
Best wishes always...
The litmus test for me is to imagine my 10 year old self and my adulthood self and ask, "Would the older me scare the younger me with bad appearance or behavior?" So I try and keep the older me friendly to the younger me. I don't think many people realize how scary their adult versions would be to their younger versions. This could be wise theory and/or just another excuse to stay immature!
you don't want to go on looking back in regret, wondering what if, what you could of, should of,would of had. so instead — chalk it up to circumstance. don't change your mind.
"i imagine the person i want to be
but see what i've become instead..."
a sad realization
I've had many successes and many failures. I've worked with the best, creating magical music, I've had novels published, and I've sunk to the furthest depths of despair. Inside, I've become more who I've always wanted to be, caring, responsible, generous (I hope), instead of that selfish uncaring punk I used to be, but externally, things seem to be slipping away, and my life is becoming less what I want it to be. I often feel helpless, my hands tied. It can all slip away so quickly. I'm tired. The journey is too short, yet somehow too long, and it's hard to sustain. I grow weary. And so tired. Sleep, peaceful sleep awaits. Dreams. Tattered and broken on the floor. And the days roll on, fleeting moments of happiness, long nights of despair. May my children know the happiness without the despair. Another dream. Maybe that one will be fulfilled.
l,
r
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