Wednesday, November 22, 2006

slowly gently softly

i began writing this one in may of '04
but didn't finish it until september
i deliberately started recording it
even though it was completely unfinished
sometimes i think coming in
with too many polished songs
leads to a record that is exactly that
too polished
the songs that aren't quite done
lend themselves to more radical treatments
this one being a good example
i think it's sonically one of the most interesting things
i've done
almost a sound collage
nary a trace of any influence to be found
on this track
i love the way it ends
with the mellotron swirl
and repeating vocal

"i’ll pretend to not be scared of anything for you"

it's my favorite ending for sure

i'd been thinking a lot at the time
about children who lose a parent(s)
before they're old enough to remember them
all these amazing moments shared
remembered by the adults
lost to the children
maybe that's why so many confused teens
wonder why their parents are still fawning over them?
they still see the little child
not the growing up too fast brat

as i've said before
i'm out of control video camera dad
constantly documenting everything
i want G to have "this is your life"
the video anthology
volumes 1 thru 2,000,000
to watch when he's older
even if the mind rips you off a bit
and doesn't let us retain all the best parts
you can still watch some of it on video!!
it's amazing we have the technology to do this
why not take advantage of it?

the words to this song aren't very hard to decipher
they fast forward
to the day of my own demise

"slowly, gently, softly
coming back to you

slowly, gently, softly
life slips out of view"

as soon as i had something important to live for
my son
my wife
a good life
i got a bit more pre-occupied with my own mortality
that's the way it works, right?
when we have something to lose
we always grip tighter
the stranglehold sets in
i'm absolutely terrified of going early
what happened to lennon has haunted me since i was 13
leaving his son and wife at that age
it's so tragic
there are so many other stories of people less famous
than him too
i want so badly to be there to see G grow up
i've known people who've lost one of their parents
at a young age
and it's heartbreaking
i don't obsess on this subject
but i'll admit it's on my mind
another dark thought that made it out of me
and became a song


Blogger Centuryhouse said...

quote: "as soon as i had something important to live for
my son
my wife
a good life
i got a bit more pre-occupied with my own mortality"

I totally understand that. I was somewhat reckless before meeting someone that I could care for, and before having a child. Since then I too have had a growing awareness of my own mortality and the fragility of life. Not only do I have a lot to lose, but so do they if I'm gone.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think about leaving Emma every day, every hour of my life. Daniel I'm less worried about. He'll be five years older, and with his mother's help, he'll make it through. But Emma....It scared the hell out of me, the thought of leaving her when she's young, she has so much to deal with as it is. I know it's gonna happen, and there's nothing I can do about it, and it rips at my heart. I'm very scared -- for both of us.

5:39 AM  

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