Friday, June 30, 2006

god save the granada theater

the haze is beginning to lift
don't know what was going on earlier this week
but my shoes felt like they were stuck in cement
head stuck in an oven
no energy to save my life
nothing doing
glad i took it easy and rested
didn't keep pushing
it's starting to pay off today
i feel a lot better
been thinking it's time for me to start doing some yoga
or something to help me out
i need to find time to start
that's the hardest part for me
project number six hundred and forty two on my to-do list
i sure am looking forward to the noise say goodbye show
at the granada theater tomorrow night
it's always a joy for me to play there
an amazing venue
and the way they treat the bands is so over-the-top courteous
there is so much kindness and respect for musicians going on there
the exact opposite of what ole dougie simmons
and the CLC complex has been doing for so long
any town on the face of this planet would be blessed to have a theater like this
to go enjoy music at
we're lucky we have it
so please go and support the granada
and pray they stick around
it's a hard hard business
don't take their existence for granted
even if you're sitting on the fence about going to a show there
dallas needs this theater
it needs people like mike schoder
who put love back in to our town
without simply taking and raping
most people don't know this
but putting on local shows
like the one tomorrow night
is a big financial risk for a venue their size
without at least 300 people in the place
they can't even break even
so each and every one of you count
bring some friends
bring yer family
bring yer pets!!!!
god save the granada!!!
we only have one left in its class
now that someone burned down the poor arcadia last week
and man does that whole thing sound fishy to me
see you tomorrow night
it's gonna be good
i promise
i'm feeling better
the fam is doing good
jayme's feeling a little better
i wanna take it slow tomorrow night
and enjoy the moment (see: be here now)
it might be a while before i'm back there
and i sure am gonna miss playing the good ole G theater
hopefully something to look forward to in the winter!

Thursday, June 29, 2006

the bruce pill

today i woke up feeling like this blog of mine needs more comedy
light relief
witty anecdotes
and sly asides
i think i'm gonna go up to half price
and thumb through some books in the comedy/magic tricks section
it'll do me some good
there's also this pill that contains actual strands of lenny bruce's DNA
it's kind of expensive
3 grand a pop
results only after 12 months
but then
"instantly" transformed
in to one biting mofo satirist
ready to take on every relevant and irrelevant socio economic issue under the sun
i probably can't come up with the cash
so for now i'll just go with
have you heard the one about the rubber chicken with the peg leg?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

be here now

our little family is my life
the only thing that truly matters
my days sucked up by usefulness
while you're disappearing fast
right before my very eyes
this beautiful little person i see before me
i'll only know so briefly
you'll be replaced by someone else soon
i see your little shadow reaching up to hold my hand
a memory already
i'll try and hold on to it as long as i can
it makes me want to cry
the beauty of this moment
how i wish i could make it last
yet i'm always off in the distance
running fast
or looking back
some cruel reminder of the impermanence of it all
a lesson to live in the here and now
i'm trying to be here now
it's so hard when the mind is bombarded
with so many things to worry about
i have 3 hours
before i disappear in to the studio for 8
let's go for a walk son
hold my hand we'll go see the bumblebee tree

the blobby blogger

not much doing today
i think my mind and body have both crashed
from all the pressure of last week
i feel like a blob
so i'm trying to take it easy
before studiotime at 6
we're gonna record some strings
should be fun then
if i have even an ounce of energy left
i'm gonna try and wrap up the pleasantry lane cd
gotta get it sent off in time
to press before germany
in september
jayme's doing ok today
she's been resting a lot
it's hard to keep this girl in bed
she's too much of a do-er

Sunday, June 25, 2006

the world is full of people who want to help you

the scene around here has improved drastically in the last 24 hours
jayme is back home
feeling stronger by the hour
she's grateful to be home and enjoying every minute of it
today was the most peaceful sunday we've enjoyed around here
in a long time
almost surreal
considering the stark contrast of it to all that happened to us last week
i feel like a piano has been lifted off of my shoulders
a bowling ball removed from my gut
jayme's post op pain
peanuts compared to what she'd been living with
for the last 1o months
i already see a marked change in her
it's like she'd been holding her breath for months
and now she can breathe again
G was full of mischief and joy
careening around the house on his rocket
carrying on at the top of his voice
telling strange little stories
coming at us with his new plastic fly
he even tried some frankensteinesque disco dancing
and wore his bat hat while repeating
"i'm a bad, bad boy"
in a funny low voice
jayme rested and watched some wc soccer
got lot's of kisses and hugs from G
also "you're my best friend in the whole wide world"
i watered things that needed watering
played with my son
cared for my wife
it was almost like a scene from a rockwell painting
i hope there are more days like this one ahead of us

we've been completely blown away
by all the love and support our friends have given us
i can't even put in to words how comforting it's been
i feel surrounded by love right now

Saturday, June 24, 2006

the dreambill

it was anju's dream bill afterall
fitting i was in a dreamstate
so tired i was relaxed
even dusted off "pleasantry lane"
hooked on muscle relaxers and mellow-out pills indeed
i hadn't played that one in ages
ma feet were happy that someone had drained the goudie pool
i tried real hard to find anju there
but couldn't
maybe last night was what she needed to move on?

jayme feeling better right before i left the hospital
to get to the show
helped me feel better
i knew she would fight off the fever quickly
she's a tough one
but i've been so worried about her
relief is finally setting in
the kids up front at bend were a joy to behold
made the whole thing very special for me
L and L too
so where were you m and d?
you missed a good one
billy and kacy were great d
o you know who they are?
i think i did ok even
maybe you would've been proud
maybe you would've been bored
either way it would've been nice to have you out there once
"beautiful noise" across texas 2006 coming to a close
the noise show next week at the granada
then goodbye for a little while
maybe you'll miss me?
well there are still tickets for the reeperbaum festival in september
if you can't stand it
i'm disappointed that billy and i can't record today
but my mind is with my family right now
can't lock myself in the studio for 12 hours
and forget about the outside world
i hope billy gives me a raincheck
i promise to have something good for him next time
so i'm going to get jayme in a little while
they said they might let her go today
i'm so excited
it's a beautiful morning
a couple of bright red flowers on the hibiscus
gotta go see j now
love you all

Friday, June 23, 2006

running on empty

jayme's not doing well today
please keep pulling for her
she's horribly sick from the anesthesia
in the most pain i've ever seen her in
it's heartbreaking
the elation of making it through surgery
has already given way to the reality of other things
please keep pulling for her
our struggle is not over yet
i'm supposed to play bend studio tonight
in memory of our friend anju gill
it's going to be hard for me to pull it together enough to do anything
i feel like a complete wreck
i wanted to write something today in memory of anju
maybe later
i can't find anything else in me right now


recovering from her operation now
everything went smoothly
we feel so relieved happy and thankful
thank you for sending your love our way
it helped
it really worked
i'll have more soon
gotta get back to the family



Thursday, June 22, 2006

6 million dollar nourallah

all's quiet in our home
only the hum of the refrigerator going
gavie sound asleep
hopefully dreaming of buckwheat
his pet robot
happy birthday cakes
duke the white horse
ariel and scout
mommy's tucked away in her hospital bed
slo-mo morphine dreaming
i hope she's not scared
alone there
i'll be there soon
hang on hang on
i sit here in the soft blue light of the computer screen
don't feel like myself right now
i feel like an observer
watching some weird story unfold
maybe lack of sleep and stress has dislocated my mind again
i know the feeling well
i've been here before
when gavin was in trouble
my stomach is in knots
should be playin' my guitar for relief
but i don't want to risk waking G
so i'm writing this blog
i have to get it out
otherwise i freeze up inside
solid ice
like the title of this thing says
it's snowing in my heart
no lie
it's why i have to write
all my life trying not to ice over inside
sometimes it doesn't work
sometimes no words or songs or anything in the world
can soothe
but i'm so proud of this girl of mine
she's a fighter
keeping a real chin up about all of this
i think if i were in her shoes i'd be in far worse mental shape
i'd be a babyshambles
we struggle for control almost every day of our adult lives
the instinct to try and control our own destinies raging
most times ironically out of control
the tighter we grip our lives
the more things spin away from us
no matter how rich
or powerful
a single human being can become during their stay here on earth
we're all equally fragile
exposed completely
and totally vulnerable
in the end unable to stop bullets
bend the universe to our will
cure the incurable
turn back the crushing hands of time
it's a lesson
a hard one to learn
can i surrender to the universe
close my eyes and fall backwards in to the loving arms of our maker
give up trying to control the uncontrollable
trust that it's not a lunatic flying this colossal jumbo jet of life?
i think i can
i think i have
i've done it before
i'm familiar with this feeling
right now i've surrendered
i believe our/your prayers have gotten someone's attention out there
we are being watched over now
my love
my life
is in the hands of something i trust will deliver her safely
back to me and G
to be a happy little trio again
our girl all fixed up better than ever
ready to jump higher
run faster
feel better
she's gonna be the bionic jayme
with her metal disk
there's a 6 million dollar nourallah on the way
better watch out!!!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

angel #1

the thoughts you've been sending us are working
please keep sending them
angel #1 came to us yesterday and has gotten jayme all set up for her operation
it's going down friday morning
and we think we've found a way for her operation to be covered
it's a huge relief
a small miracle
without help it might not have happened
thank you
from the bottom of my heart a#1
jayme and gav thank you too
now we can try and focus all our energy on jayme's operation going smoothly
her having a swift recovery and getting back to trying to lead a normal life again
she's been in terrible pain
on an almost daily basis
for such a long long time
last night she couldn't sleep a minute
wrote emails
while i tossed and turned
i feel like i've been run over by 10 mack trucks this morning
so i can only imagine how she must feel
i'm looking good this morning
ready for my check-in at the homeless shelter
with my crazy hair going every which way
though i gotta work today
can't stop
can't fall behind
you remember trampled by paper right?
is this when coffee is good?
or red bull?
watching oprah?
tomorrow morning please think of jayme
send her some love
we love you
and appreciate everything
i'll be sure and let you know how things go

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

calling all angels

right now
my little family needs your good thoughts
best wishes
whatever you can put out there in the universe for us

jayme was told yesterday
that she needs an immediate operation
on a disk in her spine
that's cutting off nerves and threatening to cut off all mobility in her right arm
it's terrifying
it's seriously dangerous
it is also financially impossible for us to pay for this operation
without some sort of help from the system
i'm sad for my wife
i feel helpless
i know she feels like a terrible burden to everyone in her family
she's too young to be falling apart already

please pray for her safety
and send us some angels to watch over her

trampled by paper

i truly have an idyllic life
i get paid to do something i love
i make music every day
no music biz mogul types telling me what to do
it's unsupervised imagination over here
i'm surrounded by friends
who are world-class musicians
i get to see them on a daily basis
i get to see my wife and child everyday
spend good time with them
our son is healthy and happy
i never have to go off and leave them for long periods
we have a beautiful life (finally)
we can buy most the things we need
even some of the things we don't really need
if we save up!
our beautiful home t
he nourallah "compound"
full of lightness and space
everything neatly in its place
(thanks to jayme)
i feel very blessed
it's been a long road to get here
loads of unhappiness
lot's of wrestling
i appreciate every second of this current life of mine
every tiny detail i wish i could savor
like a fine wine
it would be nice to sit back a bit and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor
stop and smell the roses
like ringo said
lay on the hammock and disappear into the vast blue sky
but everyday is such a struggle
a battle to stay on track
can't let that mortgage payment slip
and what?????
the phone bill is how much this month????
you've got to be kidding me!!!!!!
welcome to texas in the summertime
get ready to sell your first born child to pay your electric bill
my blood pressure on the rise already just thinking about it
worst part of it is that it's almost impossible
for self-employed americans to get health coverage
our government seems to truly want us all to work for corporations
you wanna fly in the face of the system?
work for yourself?
make art?
take photos?
raise your own children instead of handing them off to daycare specialists?
well there's a price to pay hippie folks
we're gonna double-tax you
we're gonna eventually force you to get a job at starbuck's
just so you can have some medical insurance
good luck turning your noses up at the cookie cutter way!!!!
let's see how long you can pay your bills with music and art...
hang on hang on hang on
'til everything is gone...

J has been plagued by nagging medical problems ever since gavin's birth
as i write this she's at the baylor emergency room
a bulging disc in her neck
cutting off the movement in her right arm
operation possibly the only medical option
but i have to work today and even if you love your work
it's still WORK
no time to take off
gotta keep the money train a rollin'
thank god i love this job of mine
thank god i'm not sitting in a cubical selling medical insurance
or out on the highway spreading tar
i've been lucky
i'm so thankful for my life
i really am
i'm still creating
i'm still singing
my music is reaching nice and smart people all over the world
like L and L
i'm grateful for them and all of the rest of you
i know life can never be perfect
we're all struggling to come as close to perfection
here on earth as we can
but it's always gonna be just out of reach
a carrot dangled in front of us human donkeys
in various states of enlightment
so just when i've patted myself on the back
after a nice month of work
i realize that we can't afford to pay even the slightest medical bill
my poor dear wife is in agonizing pain and suffering
and my only answer for her
"hey honey wanna listen to my new song about hanging on?"
it's completely defeating
it makes me wanna let it all out like this...

sometimes i feel like i'm running as fast as i can
and nipping at my heels constantly
are those devilish bills
chasing after me
waving past due statements in their greedy little hands
one mis-step and they'll overtake me
then i'll be another failed american
trampled by paper

Monday, June 19, 2006

i only wear shorts at night

another hot un here in texas
home of the bush
land of the gun toting cowards
over-did it last night i'm afraid
"the wicked are winning" got me up all riled up until 3am
some nice piano and wurly from RR
who took a nasty blow to the head loading lefler's baby in to the jeep
beware the results of spontaneous wurly poaching
vocals and some mixing from me afterwards
singing those lines over and over again
to get them just right
it's gonna be a good one
i promise
i'm trying to really push myself to make more time
to get this record of mine moving along at a better clip
why am i always in such a hurry?
like the po-lice are on my back
billy harvey coming over after anju's night
to spend a sunday in the studio with me
i'm very excited about this
i need to have something good for us to work on
don't wanna waste a day with a genius like him
maybe the definitive version of "snowing in my heart"

had a good tickle fall-downing session with g money this morning
he wants more bagel now!!!
i got a little practice in on his footlong casio too
played some snowing for him
with the special sound #23 and then a new one
i've been pecking at
carter albrecht coming over later
whenever he wakes up
it's a good day to be in the dark cool cave
toooooooo hot outside!!!!!!!!!!
and you know i only wear shorts
at night

Sunday, June 18, 2006

f day

never been a fan of malls
hate 'em
always have
always will
the teenage confusion they incited
will nag me forever
but it's over 100 friggin' degrees in texas today
so hanging out with a forty at the lake
with the gun toting farmer's tan hillbillies
didn't sound real appealing on father's day
instead we opted for the air-conditioned bliss
of the new and improved megafantastic megaplexish
northpark mall
it felt peaceful to go there with no consumer urges tugging at my brain
i was serenely content in the knowledge
that there was nothing there at all for me to want
other than a peaceful stroll with the fam
G got to shout at some ducks
tryed to get in and mix it up with some mating turtles
slid down the tile hill
dropped trow right in front of burberry's
the look on the shop attendant's uptight face was priceless
we took our sweet time
and enjoyed all of G's antics
our boy was in rare form today
the hammering sculpture men left him catatonic
for at least 10 minutes
standing in the middle of oncoming mall traffic
staring up at the gigantic slowly moving arm
a couple of consumers even stopped to smile and watch him
on their way to the purchase of a lifetime
at the big spitting water he wanted to get in
but mom kept him at bay with a frozen lemonade
i started today in a bit of a funk
a hazy depression hung over me
watching "munich" 'til 3 in the morning didn't help
our little trip helped me
it was what i needed
ready now to make some music tonight
"the wicked are winning" is waiting
this morning's cranky old man is gone
i enjoyed being around G and J today
i was with them in the here and now and not off in thought somewhere
now off to see fayez
i talked to him on the phone 5 minutes ago and it was heartbreaking
his speech all slow and slurred from the stroke
he sounded old tired
and almost sweet

Saturday, June 17, 2006

sleepy rainy days

beautiful gray cloudy day outside
it makes me think of when i was a kid
growing up in el paso
how excited i would get
when the sleepy rainy days came
i had a perfect view of the mountains from my bedroom window
as the clouds would majestically roll over and down the mountainside
creating the exact atmosphere i needed
to put my favoite records on and drift away
to my imaginary rock'n'roll place
listening to "all mod cons" just wasn't the same
when the sun was beating down
it took a special cloudy day
to enjoy most of my music t
he ritual of carefully removing the selected vinyl
slowly cleaning the record
placing it on the turntable
and gently laying down the needle
made the whole experience even more worthwhile
i miss the serenity of taking in an entire record
from start to finish
only concentrating on what was coming in through the headphones
and nothing else
the adult life has washed those days away
in a haze

Friday, June 16, 2006

go team bend

bend studio tonight with chris holt
i think it's time to take a bit of a break from the big d
i stood barefoot in a puddle of goudie vodka seven
for an hour
it was soggy
i lost my voice too
croaking like a frog
anju is still haunting the place
i felt her presence again
maybe everybody's waiting for us to say goodbye to her next week?
my guitar mysteriously went out three quarters of the way through
and we couldn't get it back on again
so i played the rest of the set
truly "unplugged"
1st love out in the audence never
done that before felt
like glenn tilbrook
but without vicky verky
it was a bit weird
maybe i should brush up on that one next time?
dad and mom coming to the show next week
fayez has never even been to see me play
and i'm pushing forty
i wonder how it'll feel if he actually shows
i wonder if anju will be there with us again?
we still miss her and feel guilty