trampled by paper

i truly have an idyllic life
i get paid to do something i love
i make music every day
no music biz mogul types telling me what to do
it's unsupervised imagination over here
i'm surrounded by friends
who are world-class musicians
i get to see them on a daily basis
i get to see my wife and child everyday
spend good time with them
our son is healthy and happy
i never have to go off and leave them for long periods
we have a beautiful life (finally)
we can buy most the things we need
even some of the things we don't really need
if we save up!
our beautiful home t
he nourallah "compound"
full of lightness and space
everything neatly in its place
(thanks to jayme)
i feel very blessed
it's been a long road to get here
loads of unhappiness
lot's of wrestling
i appreciate every second of this current life of mine
every tiny detail i wish i could savor
like a fine wine
it would be nice to sit back a bit and enjoy some of the fruits of our labor
stop and smell the roses
like ringo said
lay on the hammock and disappear into the vast blue sky
but everyday is such a struggle
a battle to stay on track
can't let that mortgage payment slip
and what?????
the phone bill is how much this month????
you've got to be kidding me!!!!!!
welcome to texas in the summertime
get ready to sell your first born child to pay your electric bill
my blood pressure on the rise already just thinking about it
worst part of it is that it's almost impossible
for self-employed americans to get health coverage
our government seems to truly want us all to work for corporations
you wanna fly in the face of the system?
work for yourself?
make art?
take photos?
raise your own children instead of handing them off to daycare specialists?
well there's a price to pay hippie folks
we're gonna double-tax you
we're gonna eventually force you to get a job at starbuck's
just so you can have some medical insurance
good luck turning your noses up at the cookie cutter way!!!!
let's see how long you can pay your bills with music and art...
hang on hang on hang on
'til everything is gone...

J has been plagued by nagging medical problems ever since gavin's birth
as i write this she's at the baylor emergency room
a bulging disc in her neck
cutting off the movement in her right arm
operation possibly the only medical option
but i have to work today and even if you love your work
it's still WORK
no time to take off
gotta keep the money train a rollin'
thank god i love this job of mine
thank god i'm not sitting in a cubical selling medical insurance
or out on the highway spreading tar
i've been lucky
i'm so thankful for my life
i really am
i'm still creating
i'm still singing
my music is reaching nice and smart people all over the world
like L and L
i'm grateful for them and all of the rest of you
i know life can never be perfect
we're all struggling to come as close to perfection
here on earth as we can
but it's always gonna be just out of reach
a carrot dangled in front of us human donkeys
in various states of enlightment
so just when i've patted myself on the back
after a nice month of work
i realize that we can't afford to pay even the slightest medical bill
my poor dear wife is in agonizing pain and suffering
and my only answer for her
"hey honey wanna listen to my new song about hanging on?"
it's completely defeating
it makes me wanna let it all out like this...

sometimes i feel like i'm running as fast as i can
and nipping at my heels constantly
are those devilish bills
chattering
taunting
chasing after me
waving past due statements in their greedy little hands
one mis-step and they'll overtake me
then i'll be another failed american
trampled by paper