Sunday, August 13, 2006

shayboob gets pierced

when we were kids
my dad would tell us this bedtime stories
about two arabic hero's from the crusades
antar and shayboob
antar was the brave warrior adventurer
shayboob was his poetry spouting brother
who spun funny tales of antar's conquests
i guess it was the middle eastern version of
the lone ranger and tonto
or the captain and tennille
now F and i loved hearing the antar and shayboob stories
one of my fondest memories
we would imagine we were A and S while my dad told the tales
i think we used to fight over who was antar though
no one wanted to be shayboob
although i still dispute this
F and dad say
shayboob was actually supposed to be me...

sometime around '87
i was brewing up big plans
to go away to college
in fabulous denton
start my new identity
as a cool rock'n'roller
no one there would know my un-illustrious past
that i had notta one close friend in highschool
that i didn't go to the prom
'cause you have to actually talk to a girl to do that
and what's the point of that
when i wasn't allowed to go on dates

i got a job delivering pizzas
pizza hut on mesa street
fidgety gordon
forget his last name
was the PH manager
he always wore floods
faris and i had just started jamming with bob
looks like murder
the perpetual party
don't remember any of the other titles
bob made an old west spoof poster
a mustachioed outlaw
below him it read
it was pretty funny
we only got calls from mariachis and heavy metal dudes
it was time to split town
we were never gonna find a bass player in el paso
i was gonna grow my hair
get my ears pierced
the crunch had nice earring on the cover of heyday
i wanted to look cool like that!
i don't remember actually getting it done
maybe i need to be hypnotized to remember that event?
i think gina
my 1st kung-fu girlfriend
helped me out with that
maybe she did it with a fork?
don't remember...
what i'll never forget is
in his floods
timidly asking me to wear a bandaid over the offensive area
i was his star delivery man
the only one to have made it more than 2 weeks without quitting
i spoke english too
PH employees weren't supposed to do things
as wild and crazee as piercing your ears
i was a new pizza delivering radical
a rebel with a hoop

i think i made it through 5 or 6 dinners
before dad finally noticed it
he even sat directly to the left of me
at our white round star treck looking dinner table
maybe i had the bandaid over the hole for a few days
when he found out
he exploded
i'd always been the good son
never challenged his authority in any way
shut up
kept my feelings to myself
F was the rabble rouser
i was the silent mouse
so he relays a message to mom
i'd better be at luby's for lunch the next day
we were gonna have a talk

oh the dread
oh the woe
i didn't wanna meet my dad at luby's to talk about my earring
not one bit
a bad feeling sinking in my stomach like i'd eaten momma cass

when we walked through those glass doors
crossed over the luby threshold
there were grannies surrounding us
on all sides
walkers and canes
blue hair and salt free veggies
custer's last stand
surrounded by geriatric injuns
dad picked a table in the epicenter of the restaurant
smack dab in the middle
couldn't he have chosen a quiet little spot in the corner?
where we could have a private conversation
had to be in the middle
better for the show
and humiliation
as soon as we'd sat down
he looks at me with disgust
and in his low arabic accent
lips curling to a sneer
kinda like billy idol used to do
he says
"why would you go and do that to yourself?"
an accusing finger leveled at my new precious earring
"are you going to start wearing dresses now?"
sneer taking up his whole face now
a couple of old ladies looking at us
i'm horrified
i want to disappear
i want to use my cafeteria tray as a shield
maybe i should have patterned myself after houdini
rather then kilbini?
then i could've escaped
"are you going to wear pantyhose now? and high a girl?"
"only women pierce their ears..."
the disgust dripping off of his lips
after that sentence my memory goes blank
it was said loud enough that even all the old folks
swarming around us
heard it
so if anyone who knows me ever wondered
why i've never been big on causing public scenes

now you know


Blogger Centuryhouse said...

"Shayboob Nourallah"....I like it :-)

So you weren't allowed to date in high school either huh? haha

I think your dad must have been an evil genius mastermind, to have come up with such brilliant crush psy-ops tactics like that. Humiliate you in the middle of an old conservative crowd - OUCH!

Funny stuff. I feel bad laughing at your pain, haha

10:42 AM  

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