when i was 5

J's operation is set for next friday
we're thankful because they had originally mentioned doing it on gavin's birthday
that would have been terrible
now it's just down to waiting
and hoping for the best

sunday night lefler and i played some of the my songs at barley
it was a lot of fun
i also really enjoyed my wednesday night set
with holt
i think i might be making more impromptu appearances there over the next few months
we had so much fun in fact that
lefler's going to sit in with me for friday's show
at the city tavern
opening for jayson bales

the last few days have been good
but a bit strange
a wave of nostalgia swept over me
and on saturday i got caught up in the project
of tracking down all of the late '60s and early '70s photos
of my childhood
that were scattered in various places
they were in shambles
spread out in old rotting scrapbooks
my parent's had

once i rounded them up
i put them in a decent new book
in chronological order
it got me thinking about these days right now
with our son
about to turn 5
and how fast they're going
it doesn't feel like i was ever 5
that child i was
only here so briefly and then morphed into a teen
and then a young adult
and so on
i can't help but think of how much i'll miss the gavin
i know right now
with all of his sweetness and joy
i know i'll love the next phase of his developement
but it's always hard to let go
we're always letting go
always saying goodbye
or getting ready to
i want to hang on to these days for as long as i can
but they're always gone so quickly

i remember almost nothing of being 5
so many beautiful moments
just gone
without a trace
only a handful of photos that offer a glimpse
the only proof i have that they ever even happened
as i look at the pictures
of that child i used to be
i wonder about how many happy times i had with my father
that were only washed away by the angst of adolescence
washed away to yield nothing but a strained adult relationship
and more bitter and bad memories than good
the young child remembers almost nothing
but the parent always remembers that beautiful child
and how much they loved them
and that's why we document these moments
to try and hang on
and remember somehow
i wish i could crawl into those old photos
for only a minute
and be there again
just to know how it felt to be 5
and love my parents with all of my heart