Monday, July 28, 2008

when i was 5

J's operation is set for next friday
we're thankful because they had originally mentioned doing it on gavin's birthday
that would have been terrible
now it's just down to waiting
and hoping for the best

sunday night lefler and i played some of the my songs at barley
it was a lot of fun
i also really enjoyed my wednesday night set
with holt
i think i might be making more impromptu appearances there over the next few months
we had so much fun in fact that
lefler's going to sit in with me for friday's show
at the city tavern
opening for jayson bales

the last few days have been good
but a bit strange
a wave of nostalgia swept over me
and on saturday i got caught up in the project
of tracking down all of the late '60s and early '70s photos
of my childhood
that were scattered in various places
they were in shambles
spread out in old rotting scrapbooks
my parent's had

once i rounded them up
i put them in a decent new book
in chronological order
it got me thinking about these days right now
with our son
about to turn 5
and how fast they're going
it doesn't feel like i was ever 5
that child i was
only here so briefly and then morphed into a teen
and then a young adult
and so on
i can't help but think of how much i'll miss the gavin
i know right now
with all of his sweetness and joy
i know i'll love the next phase of his developement
but it's always hard to let go
we're always letting go
always saying goodbye
or getting ready to
i want to hang on to these days for as long as i can
but they're always gone so quickly

i remember almost nothing of being 5
so many beautiful moments
just gone
without a trace
only a handful of photos that offer a glimpse
the only proof i have that they ever even happened
as i look at the pictures
of that child i used to be
i wonder about how many happy times i had with my father
that were only washed away by the angst of adolescence
washed away to yield nothing but a strained adult relationship
and more bitter and bad memories than good
the young child remembers almost nothing
but the parent always remembers that beautiful child
and how much they loved them
and that's why we document these moments
to try and hang on
and remember somehow
i wish i could crawl into those old photos
for only a minute
and be there again
just to know how it felt to be 5
and love my parents with all of my heart

5 Comments:

Blogger Mondo Loco said...

Hi Salim,

I read your blog constantly, but this posting really struck a nerve. It's something I think about quite a lot.

A little more than a year ago, I started (yet another) blog that's sort of in this vein. Unfortunately, I've not kept up with it enough, but take a look. It's me reminiscing on some of the more dynamic memories my childhood in Michigan. Grasping those things that I remember and somehow, through all the teenage trauma of moving to El Paso, have stayed with me. http://asaboyinmichigan.blogspot.com

I truthfully think that memory recall will be greater for our children. Our ability to document them is so much simpler than when we were children. Photographs were all special then, and now, they're often done in passing. And, in most ways, I love that. It's the space between the lines that seems to give me the most pleasure.

It's fascinating watching how our children grow, wondering if the magic that was our childhood is the same for then.

Glad to hear that you and your family are well......all my best.

Chuck
El Paso

8:02 AM  
Blogger Daniel said...

I want this to be the greatest, most heartbreaking Salim Nourallah song of all time. So I can listen to it and sob

and sob

and sob

and get it all out of my system.

I'll need to do this about once a day

8:41 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Next Friday I'll be thinking of you and Jayme and Gavin all day -- and every day leading up until then. I realizie you'll be very occupied and preoccupied, but after the surgery, let me know ASAP how she's doing.
Sending all my love and best wishes,
Ron

11:12 AM  
Blogger bill h said...

I'll be up early, having a cup of coffee and watching the Mourning Doves in the back yard. I'll say a prayer for Jayme and for all of you. Best wishes.

bill

9:34 AM  
Blogger Mondo Loco said...

And, most certainly, Linda, Liesel and I will be sending Jayme, Gavin and you our best wishes of love and luck........

Chuck

7:13 AM  

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