Wednesday, August 06, 2008

a picture of your father when you were only 3...

my dad
so young
and happy in this picture
if you saw him now
you wouldn't recognize him
the avenger
he said to me not long ago
that he still felt like a young man on the inside
but looked in the mirror every morning
and gasped
at the wreckage time had exacted upon him
when i see him now
he looks so sad
and tired
if i could go back in time
and meet the guy in this picture
holding these two kids
i wonder what i'd think of him
i wish i could get even the slightest glimpse
of what he was like when he was a young man
it's impossible for me to even imagine
all traces are gone
all the expectations he had for these 2 little kids
what were they?
why did i feel like i'd let him down my whole life?
i wish he would've come into my world for a bit
it would've been nice
maybe he wishes i would've come into his
they say it's never too late
but i think it is
you can lead an old dog to water
but can you teach him new tricks?
he's sporting a nice tie
and suit
he always liked nice clothes
i guess we have that in common

i don't want my son to feel this way about me
it's one of my greatest fears


Blogger Daniel said...

Having the four year old around has shed so much light on my own childhood that not only do I feel a much closer bond with my own father (for his part he has mellowed a lot in the last 15 years), but feel pretty shitty about how much I held against him for about the last 20 years.

All that to say, these posts have been hitting home; I'm glad that neither my father or I have been too proud to reach out to each other at this stage

5:56 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

I know I disappointed my father (Robert Wenick) terribly all my life, up until his last few years. All my drug problems, putting all my efforts into music (which he felt was a pipe dream), not caring about school, marrying at 20 to a woman he hated, quitting my corporate tax account job to become a recording engineer, all my irresponsible behavior, the list goes on and seems endless.

It was only in his last few years when his MS was getting more severe, and I had kicked the drugs, when I took him to all his doctor appointments and ran all his errands without ever complaining, when I took full responsibility for my son Jesse, and had a novel accepted for publication, that we started to really become friends, and I could tell that his respect for me increased tremendously. I am so glad I was able to heal our relationship before he died.

He was a great man. Going to work everyday as an aerospace engineer for his family, always there, a wonderful father, a caring loving husband, honest, ethical, never abusive, a real American hero. I couldn't be more proud of him. I do regret that he died before I remarried to a woman that he would have loved, and that he never got a chance to see his two new grandchildren. Daniel's middle name is Robert, after my father. I miss you daddy. Rest in peace. I love you.
Your son,

11:24 AM  

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