Saturday, December 27, 2008

41 christmas's past

christmastime has come and gone
we made the most of it
we sang songs
and opened presents
we soaked in the pretty lights
and spent time with our families
today it was over
i felt sad
my son is 5
he's changing into a new person every day
i want to slow it all down to a crawl
but it speeds past
faster than i want to accept
i don't want G to grow up yet
i don't want to get any older
i don't want my life to change
i feel the white knuckle grip tighten
i don't want to die
or ever say goodbye to my loved ones
but it's all gonna happen isn't it?
why does saying goodbye to this holiday make me
think of the how quickly time is passing
and how temporary all of this is?
material things make us feel safe
they offer comfort somehow
like in possessing them we are linked to the world
in a more permanent way
but we're not
we're all barely here
tomorrow is promised to none of us
we were all just here last year
putting up our christmas trees
drinking hot chocolate
watching our favorite christmas movies
it's 41 christmas's past for me now
and what do i remember?
zippity-doo-da from my youth
that's right
virtually nothing
i've got but one memory
staying up 'til sunrise hoping i would get this particular NASCAR racing set
that i didn't end up getting
so that's it
all i remember is crushing disappointment
is that how my mind works?
or is that how our minds work?
what a cruel joke it is
that our memories are almost good for nothing
we can only hold onto the lowest of lows
or the highest of highs
almost everything else in between is lost
i want to bask in the memory of yesterday
while i still have it
our happy little family
our beautiful smiling 5 year old son
it won't be long now
before these memories retreat
and vanish
along with the rest of them
good and bad
from 41 christmas's past


Blogger Daniel said...

That is the way our minds work, physically. The stress (good or bad) produces hormones that burn the memories more deeply into our neural pathways. (That's a horrible job of explaining it, but...) That way we better remember where the predators are and how we got away from them last time.

So A) you have even more reason to enjoy the simple, beautiful, drama-less moments in the moment ...and B) if you ever want to produce a really strong memory, introduce some drama (good or bad) our Christmas this year...don't think I'm going to forget it, ever...did you read about it yet?! :)

8:27 AM  

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