Friday, March 28, 2008

when everything goes right

how do we handle it
when things don't go our way?
that's the test
it easy to be easy going
and easy breezy
when everything goes right
but how about when it all goes wrong?
'cause it will
oh rest assured
it will
that's part of life's grand scheme
we all know it
whether or not we face it
or not
maybe we get our way
day after day
little victories
paid the mortgage
baked a pie
passed that test
cashed that check
fed the dog
lost 5 pounds
wrote a song
learned to walk
but then
out of nowhere
the bottom falls out
or maybe it's just a temporary set-back
and how do we handle it?
if we're scared enough of the potential devastation
these moments of loss and failure will exact upon us
we can do god only knows what
to distract ourselves
from thinking about it

there's safety in that bottle
safety in that needle
safety with that drag
safety in that fridge
(even though it's cold in there)
to what degree do we all run away
what's the "healthy" amount of avoidance
of the ugliness
that's waiting to get its mitts on us

my escape was(is?) music
yeah
when i was a kid
unable to cope with the thought of death
unable to believe there was something else out there
unable to deal with not fitting in
and feeling like a stranger
in my own skin
i ran right into my cozy little room
where my turntable sat
and i'd put on those black padded headphones
and drop that needle
onto the spinning black vinyl
and disappear
into my little rock'n'roll fantasy land
was Weller on Carnaby Street buying a mod suit?
was Kilbey in New South Wales strumming a Rickenbacker 12-string?
was McCartney in Barbados writing his next #1?
was Lennon baking bread in New York?
was Strummer pulverizing his telecaster at a concert in Camden Town?
i would travel
out of my bedroom window
in dusty old El Paso
right up over the Franklin mountains
and on
across the country
out over the sea
to wherever my imagination
could carry me
i wish i could do that again
i wish i could escape like that
get truly lost in a record
but i can't anymore
i'm not sure why

right now
is there a boy
or girl
in Turkey
or Iowa
or Sweden
with headphones on
wondering what S.N. is doing at this moment?
i don't know
maybe...
maybe not...
but if there's even one person out there
temporarily ditching their own existence
and traveling by thought through one of these records i've made
it makes me feel something worthwhile
i know none of it matters in the end
but i like the thought that the 15 year old kid i used to be
that's long gone now
would somehow be proud of this mendult i've become

when i sat down tonight
and stared at the letters on this keyboard
i had nothing specific to say
no agenda
no idea of what i felt like saying
or not saying
i was just feeling restless again
and then these thoughts took me on a trip
back to E.P.
back to wondering about
why i do
what i do
even still after all of these years
the cost of my ticket
was free
i'll be safe in my bed soon
no one will even know i ever left
i'm talking to you
but i'm really talking to myself
because somehow
it makes me feel better

1 Comments:

Blogger Mondo Loco said...

Hi Salim,

We don't appreciate anything until it all falls apart. My wife lost her job a week ago. The sinking feeling of how will I support my family has crept back in and I feel so helpless. I've been spending some time with S.N. records. So, here in EP, a friend is with you.

Chuck

10:27 AM  

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