Saturday, June 14, 2008

i'm sorry

you made it to the end of the snowing
track by track dissertation
or did you?
maybe you checked out 2 weeks ago
and set your interweb bot to notify you
once it was all over
the bot was right
it's all over now
you're in the clear
kind of...

i'm outta sorts tonight
in a funk
and i don't mean grandfunk railroad
prince in stiletto's or rick james with a kinky hair weave
i mean that i'm feeling agitated
i don't know what's wrong
i can't quite put my finger on it
and that's always helpful to the people who have to live with me
believe me...
i hate feeling this way
i feel guilty
i feel upset for giving in to it
i'm ill at ease
i feel like i've squandered the past couple of days
caught up in all the scrambling
and rat racing
with no time to enjoy the glee of my 4 year old son
or much of anything else
there are heavy things taxing my mind
causing me to be distracted
and vacant
thoughts posing questions like...
how can people rationalize their poor behaviour so that they take no responsibility for it
or ever bother to apologize to the people they've hurt? no matter the consequence
of remaining silent...
i've done it
you've done it
we've all done it
someone's doing it to me right now
i bet someone might be doing it to you
i definitely know there's someone doing it to J
we're trying to teach our son
that saying sorry
is an important part of life
it's important to realize when you've done something wrong
and have the nerve to fess up to it
come clean
admit it
tell the ego to shut the fuck up
and ask the person you've hurt for understanding
or forgiveness
or whatever you want to ask for...
i don't know if we're gonna get through to G
i hope we do
it's a really important lesson
that we all make mistakes
we all hurt others
it's part of being flawed
it's part of being a human being
we sometimes do it unwittingly
sometimes on purpose
but we should always try to be aware
that once we've done something bad
rationalizing it all away
is bullshit
it's cowardice in it's worst form
and believe it or not
it's even worse than all those cockroaches who muckrake we shot j.r.
i don't want to live like that
and i don't want to accept it all away
so i can try and feel ok about myself

why is something so simple
so difficult?
why can't we all just say

"i'm sorry that i hurt you..."


Blogger sarah jane said...

When I come pick up your wife later this evening, I have a book on cd I'm going to leave for you.... But I'll need it back and will bug you for it if I don't get it. :)

6:05 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

There was a movie in 1970 called "Love Story," from the Erich Segal book of the same title. A very famous quote from that movie (book) is "Love means not ever having to say you're sorry." Garbage! You got it right. Love means know when to say you're sorry, and then saying it. John Lennon parodied the line with: "Love means having to say you're sorry every fifteen minutes." On the TV show "Home Improvement," Tim tells another character, "The first thing I do when I get up in the morning is I turn to my wife and say, 'Jill, I'm sorry.'"

Great blog on the subject, Salim.

My adivce to you: relax, and try not to worry about what you can't control. Easier said than done. Do what you need to do for yourself and your family and to hell with you know who. It's sad and out of your control, like so much of life: sad and out of our control. Tomorrow's Fathers Day. Be happy and thankful for your wonderful little boy, and the wonderful woman who gave him to you, and forget about the rest.

8:31 AM  

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